My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
