I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
