where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
