Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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