I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
