Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
