did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I just gift wrapped bread.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
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