If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
