we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
