i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
