yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
