Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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