I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I need moral support for this bender
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
