it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
