You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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