Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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