You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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