I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
