After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
