you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
