and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
