I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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