I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
