I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
