I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Randomize
