Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
