She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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