Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
