Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
