Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
