Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
