chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
