I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
