i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Randomize
