she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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