Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
You need a sexual gate keeper
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Randomize
