Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
