No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
