That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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