i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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