i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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