all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
