careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
COCAINE IS GR8
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
