They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
