Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
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