He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Randomize
