the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
