if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
