I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
