I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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