dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
