You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
