Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
