At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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