Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
He did a backflip because drugs
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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