Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
